See, I subscribe to the school of thought that our failures, not our successes, ultimately teach us life's most important lessons. The truth is, those highs mean very little without experiencing and embracing the lows. We will never grow as long as we remain in circumstances that don't threaten our comfort level. Growth and comfort cannot coexist. I believe our lives are defined by the choices we make when attempting to navigate life's uncharted, unforgiving, and uncomfortable waters.
I found myself in those very waters at the end of June 2018. A week after proposing to my then-girlfriend of 4 years, my job laid me off. Little did I know that my sudden twist of misfortune would ultimately kick start a 365-day life-defining period. The next 364 days could appropriately be described as the Days of "No" because that was the only word I heard and felt in my spirit for months on end. The self-doubt heightened, self-confidence waned, and a deep, dark cloud of desperation and depression engulfed my world. But on the 365th day, a year to the exact date of being laid off, I received my first full-time job offer. I felt compelled to share this part of my life with you for several reasons, none more salient than hopefully encouraging those who may be struggling with securing employment right now. I want to remind you that you aren't alone in this uphill battle, and you will be victorious. I know this to be true not because it happened to me, but because of the lessons I learned while struggling to stay afloat.
Here are the seven life lessons I learned while being unemployed for 365 days.
It's A Marathon, Not a Sprint
I've never run a marathon before, but I imagine for the majority of non-competitive runners, making it to the finish line after a grueling 26-mile run is the ultimate goal. Of the approximate 50,000 runners in the NYC marathon, the overwhelming majority aren't running to place. They are running to finish the race. Job seekers take note - the only way you lose in your race to land a job is by taking yourself out of the running. You must stay in it to win it! And unlike running a marathon, you will eventually gain strength as an applicant, the longer you continue in your race towards employment. Every interview is an opportunity to master telling your story and perfecting your responses to some universal interview questions.
The "No's" Aren't Personal
My mom always used to tell me, "Never shy away from asking for exactly what you want. The worst someone can tell you is 'No.'" My mom prepared me for a world readied with closed doors while simultaneously building my resiliency so that I remained encouraged to keep knocking. You eventually realize hearing the word "No" isn't all that bad, and there's no point in taking it personally. Remember, you aren't alone in this race. According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, as of June 2020, the US unemployment rate is 11.1% - 17.8 million people are considered unemployed. And that's good news compared to those same numbers in May. These numbers are deeply humbling. Getting rejected isn't a personal indictment against you as a professional. Simply put, there was someone better suited for that particular job.
Know Where To Grow
Three months into my 2018 job search, I was admittedly distressed by the absence of job offers and invitations to final interviews. You may be a few months into your search since COVID-19 flipped our world on its head. If you become discouraged about your prospects, I encourage you to recharge yourself by taking time to reflect on the areas in your professional toolkit you can improve. You must be honest about your areas for growth so you can begin rectifying them. For example, practice your responses to generic interview questions, first with yourself, and then with a friend, relative, roommate, or partner. Identify any time gaps in your professional experience. Prepare clear and transparent explanations for these work gaps. Lastly, address skill gaps through self-education - YouTube videos and enrolling in a free MOOC are two great places to start.
Volunteer (Time + Experience)
You have the time now, so consider sharing your expertise and newly acquired skills with a local charity or non-profit as a volunteer. Remember, the worst they could say is "No," but they will more likely grant you the opportunity to sharpen your toolkit. Plus, there are countless stories of volunteers becoming paid staffers. Your volunteering can essentially become an unofficial audition. And if there aren't any available positions on their staff, request a recommendation letter for you to share with future employers. Volunteering as a mentor is another opportunity to distinguish yourself from the field. Serving as a positive role model to another person can uplift your mood and quiet the negative thoughts fighting desperately to keep you stagnant and discouraged. Mentoring can also support the development of a grateful heart and mind. A grateful mind attracts positive energy and experiences, and apparent failures transform into learning opportunities for growth.
Bet On Yourself
They say the best time to invest in the market is during a recession or a financial downturn. You can purchase wealth-generating assets on the cheap. Betting on yourself while unemployed is no different to me, but let me be clear about this message. I am not advising you to incur tons of debt while you have no steady income. You can use some of your newly found free time to begin building a framework on your road to financial independence. Iterations of this framework could result in a business plan, an investment model, the beginning pages of a book, script, etc. I am a firm believer that every single one of us has natural gifts. Begin thinking and working on how you are going to share yours. I started blogging and built a website sharing my thoughts on mentoring boys and young men of color. Build on what you are naturally drawn to and nourish and develop whatever that may be. The universe awaits.
Remember to Celebrate (Modestly)
Hoping for a better future can become a fleeting feeling when you've spent months applying jobs to no avail. Finding time to celebrate personal milestones, regardless of scale, becomes even more imperative on your journey back into the labor force. Celebrating allows you to remain grateful and appreciative of all you have already accomplished during a difficult time. Build upon this celebratory momentum to keep yourself going towards your next milestone, and eventually, your next job opportunity. Remember to keep your celebrations modest in terms of financial cost (No bottle service please!). Refrain from inflating your debt to income ratio. And make sure you take time to celebrate others too. Positive people are magnetic, so the more you celebrate others, especially weak ties, the more likely you will attract a life-changing connection.
Stay Connected to What Matters
You are not alone along this journey. As mentioned earlier, 17.8 million Americans are unemployed right now. That's just the estimate of folks who are actively looking for work. The job search is very crowded right now. Nevertheless, as more time passes, it is natural for us to seclude ourselves due to a bevy of negative emotions - fear, shame, disappointment, anxiety. Trust me when I say, isolation is not your friend when these negative feelings are the reason for your seclusion. I urge you to remain connected to your family and friends. Such friends will uplift you in time of need, keep you grounded when necessary, and offer different perspectives that could benefit your search. Finally, prioritize your wellness and health. Take care of our body, mind, and spirit in whichever way works best for you. Exercise, eat healthy foods, drink plenty of water, maintain a sleep schedule, meditate, pray, and journal. These activities will help you remain sharp and ready for that next opportunity.
I've kept a job since I was 14 years old; consequently, I led myself to believe my identity was tied to my work when it was the opposite. My work was a part of my identity, but my value didn't come from my work. The same holds for you. You matter because you are you - period. Trust the process. Embrace the failures as markers of your imminent victory. Your hard work will always pay off. Don't give up. Never lose hope in your gift, whether it's a new role with a new organization or your very own business. The rest of us want to see you make it happen because we all love a great comeback story!